What is more important to you, success or happiness?
It’s a question that has stirred debate for generations, with individuals grappling to balance these two fundamental elements of life. Both success and happiness can serve as guiding stars on our journey, yet it often feels like they pull us in different directions. Do you find yourself chasing achievements at the cost of peace of mind, or do you value inner joy even if you’re not at the pinnacle of your career?
Psychologist Daniel Gilbert, a Harvard professor, once argued that happiness is the ultimate goal underlying virtually all decisions we make (Gilbert, 2010). Think about it: Whether it’s career advancement, buying a house, or forming relationships, our pursuits are often attempts to elevate our sense of wellbeing. Success, on the other hand, is more of an external measure—whether it’s wealth, recognition, or influence. So, are we to pursue success and let happiness follow, or should we cultivate happiness first, letting success flow naturally?
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Understanding Success and Happiness: Two Sides of the Coin
Defining happiness and success is tricky because they are subjective. Success is often defined by wealth, respect, or fame, while happiness is a more intimate, personal experience that can come from the small moments—a day in the park, laughter with loved ones, or a quiet cup of coffee in the morning. Success may provide the external validation we crave, but happiness is that contented feeling that bubbles up from within, often unquantifiable.
The relationship between these two is a complex dance. Researchers Lyubomirsky, King, and Diener (2005) conducted studies that revealed that happiness and success are indeed connected. Happy people are more likely to be successful across different aspects of life, including work, health, and relationships. They postulate that happiness doesn’t just result from success—rather, happiness itself could be the precursor to success.
Think of it like a garden: Happiness is the fertile soil, rich with nutrients, while success is the thriving plant that springs from that ground. Cultivating joy, finding fulfillment, and staying connected to the present moment are essential to growing the plant of success. Too often, we focus on the fruits while ignoring the health of the soil.
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The Pursuit: What Comes First, Happiness or Success?
The debate on whether success leads to happiness or if happiness is the key to success often feels like a chicken-and-egg scenario. We’re conditioned to think that once we hit a career milestone, purchase that dream home, or earn enough money, happiness will follow as a natural outcome. But how often does the buzz of success truly last? It’s fleeting—a momentary high that can quickly be followed by emptiness, pushing us to chase the next accolade.
The research in positive psychology supports the notion that happiness isn’t something we reach after attaining success, but rather a state that drives us towards fulfilling lives, even propelling us to success. Happiness—that lightness of being, the contentment in a moment—gives us resilience, optimism, and creativity. When we start from a place of joy, it becomes easier to handle life’s curveballs and move toward our goals with greater ease.
Shawn Achor, author of "The Happiness Advantage," explains that we have the formula backward: We think we’ll be happy when we become successful, but in reality, it’s our happiness that often fuels success. Happiness primes our brain for higher performance, making us more productive, motivated, and capable of navigating stress.
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Navigating the Struggle: The Hedonic Treadmill
Despite the science, many of us remain on what’s called the "hedonic treadmill." We achieve success, feel a surge of happiness, and then gradually adapt to our new normal—only to set new goals, hoping they will bring lasting joy. This constant pursuit can make it seem as if happiness is always just around the corner, waiting at the next big milestone. But the truth is, happiness, as pointed out by researchers like Norrish and Vella-Brodrick (2008), is not about a final destination; it’s a state of mind, an emotional habit we cultivate.
If we don’t intentionally choose to be happy in the present—to savor small joys and find gratitude—we risk living our entire lives in pursuit of something that cannot be captured. We’re wired for survival, not necessarily happiness, which is why it can be difficult to settle into a feeling of fulfillment without reminding ourselves to be present and content with what we have now.
Building the Balance: Practical Ways to Embrace Both
We may never know definitively which comes first—happiness or success—but there are ways we can nurture both simultaneously.
Gratitude Practice: Start each day by reflecting on three things you are thankful for. Gratitude shifts your focus from what you lack to what you already have, grounding you in contentment.
Setting Meaningful Goals: Define success in a way that aligns with your values. Maybe success isn’t just about a high-powered job or a large salary, but about having time for your family, being able to give back to your community, or pursuing creative projects.
Physical Health and Mindfulness: Exercise, meditate, and spend time outdoors. Taking care of your body boosts mood and helps foster happiness, creating a cycle that positively affects how you approach goals.
Social Connections: Relationships are key. The 80-year Harvard Study of Adult Development showed that meaningful connections are the biggest predictor of a happy, healthy life. Take time to nurture friendships and family ties—these are where long-lasting happiness resides.
Shift Perspective: Instead of viewing success as an ultimate target that will bring happiness, view it as an outcome of living a fulfilling and balanced life. Your journey is what matters—the everyday experiences, learning, growing, laughing, and connecting.
Books for Deep Insights on Success and Happiness
To truly understand the dynamics between success and happiness, diving into the wisdom offered by experts can be a transformative experience. Here are some highly recommended books that explore these themes in depth:
The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor: This book delves into how happiness can drive success, rather than the other way around. Achor presents research-backed principles that demonstrate how cultivating positivity can lead to higher performance and better outcomes in both personal and professional domains.
Flourish by Martin Seligman: One of the pioneers of positive psychology, Martin Seligman presents a comprehensive guide to understanding wellbeing. This book goes beyond happiness and introduces a model of flourishing that includes positive emotions, engagement, meaning, accomplishment, and positive relationships.
The How of Happiness by Sonja Lyubomirsky: This is a scientifically grounded approach to cultivating long-term happiness. Lyubomirsky outlines practical activities and strategies that are proven to increase happiness, offering readers a toolkit for building a more content and fulfilled life.
Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill: A classic that provides insights into achieving success through the power of mindset and habits. Hill’s principles, based on interviews with successful individuals, guide readers on how to harness their thoughts to reach their goals.
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey: Covey's book is a staple for those looking to achieve both personal and professional success. It emphasizes aligning your daily actions with your values, helping you lead a balanced and fulfilling life.
Finding Harmony Between Success and Happiness
Success and happiness are not mutually exclusive, nor are they linear. Both play integral roles in our lives, and rather than trying to choose between them, the key may be to find harmony in the interplay of both. Success might give your life a sense of purpose and drive, while happiness can bring peace and balance to that drive.
In the end, success is about getting what you want, and happiness is about appreciating what you get. Let’s not fall into the trap of thinking one must come at the cost of the other. Instead, nurture happiness from within, and watch as success begins to flourish in the most unexpected, joyful ways.
After all, happiness is here and now—not something we find at the finish line, but the very essence of the journey itself.
